What kind of tree are you?...

Gosh, its quite bad that soon after I decided to start blogging I went away on an extended hiatus! E pele o,it was unintended, but seriously I have to give all you regular bloggers your props oh! Where do you find the time, energy, motivation to blog regularly? I think I'm going to have to take a leaf out of your books and become more focused and determined to blog! But usually after a long day at work the last thing I want to do when I get home is sit in front of my laptop! :-( The blogs that I read, I do so at work- bad I know! Even now I'm typing this at my desk my angel on stand-by lest my boss walk in now and catch me! lol

Okay I am officially back and be warned I am back with a vengeance. I'm bursting with so many thoughts, and I really want this blog to have significance, especially to moi!!

Anyways to the main thoughts on my mind just now...on Sunday we had a very interesting sermon at Church about the fruit bearing life of a Christian and it really hit home with me. My pastor quoted a very famous part of the Bible - "You did not choose me, but I chose you TO go and bear fruit.."...Now I was quoting this verse very happily and merrily along with him, but since the sermon, I've really been pondering on what exactly it means to bear fruit.

Basically today it hit me that every human can be likened to a tree. Now a tree is recognised by its fruit,so I believe God is saying that the only way the world will be able to recognise us as His children, as being different, is by the fruit we bear. The common fruits of the world are anger, immorality, selfishness, pride, envy, jealously, impurity, idolatry etc...these are what most trees out there are displaying. But me, my Father has ordered that the fruits I display are those of love, peace, joy, kindness, goodness, selfcontrol, patience, faithfulness and gentleness (Gal 5). Now these fruits are extremely rare on the market, but thay are the juiciest, most nourishing and give life to the tree and others around it.

So I have been thinking lately- what are my fuits like? Do I go about shouting "i'm a Christian tree, Im a Christian tree", but my fruits are exactly the same as every other tree in the orchard? How on earth then will they believe that I am different to them? How on earth will they want to be like me?

Naw, from now on, I need to make sure that the fruits I display make other trees go " Wow, who is your owner, cos we want what you gots!" I know it's not going to be easy cos it initially takes more energy to be patient and calm when you want to rip someones head off, or love someone when they are not very nice to you, but this is what have been called to do. This is what glorifies my Father and causes Him to want to lavish all sorts of blessings on me. This is my purpose and trust,for someone who's been feeling very inconsequential lately, it is exciting news to have a mission, an aim, a reason.

Anyways, bearing fruit is not optional -the alternative is to be caught off the vine (John 15)and that deinitely doesn't sound very pleasant!

Working from home...?

I woke up really early this morning, like 2am (only cos i went bed ridiculously early like 9 pm!!!- lol) and even that early, I knew that I would be working from home today...my body and mind had collaborated together and had come up with this message for me: " we don't feel like going to work today, so you ain't going!!!"....my tummy felt a bit funny (I wonder if its the new "diet" Im on) and my head felt heavy. Come 8 am, I messaged my PM and told him that Id be working from home today.

Now, in my head, this was also sposed to give me time to catch up with myself- tidy up, do some exercise, some study for work and most importantly some Bible Study...all nicely fitted around my normal work . But so far Ive only managed to do some blah exercise. (its so discouraging when you start exercising and realise how unfit u are, and also discover areas that u thot were ok, but now need to be worked on hard-core...*sigh*). I have no motivation to do any work. Im sitting here in my PJs and my scarf on my head (tee hee- if only my boss cd see me now)...an dI cant be bovvered to do anything. I want to go to bed. How terrible is that???

I need to fix up sharpish tho cos I have really begun to notice that lately I sleep wayyy too much..Im talking at least 8 hrs a night or else my body aint happy. This is bad for someone as young as me. My Pastor is always going on about how a Christian should only sleep roughly 5hrs every nite- evrything else is counterproductive....eh, if i was to sleep 5 hrs now, the first thought in my head when i woke up would be how i need to run home quickly so that i can catch up on my sleep!!!

I need to be more focused and motivated;make better use of my time...goodness if im struggling now, what will happen when im a working wife and mother???I wonder how I can break this addiction of sleep and pattern of disorganisation????HELP!!!

Modern day romance???...no thanks, I'm an old fashioned kinda gal...

I think its so sad the way many relationships are nowadays. I mean where do I start? First and foremost, there seems to be a complete lack of respect for the marriage institution; many people now get married for the heck of it, neglecting to take important factors like "forever more" into consideration. In fact marriage seems to have become the new 'relationship' because many people seem to have the mentality of "if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce" (cue renup agreements) when they get hitched...and I wonder, what happened to the idea of marriage being for life??? Even for couples who intend to stay together, there is now the rampant issue of infidelity. Men expect to sleep with many more women other than their wife; women expect that their man will do the dirty on them (but pray that they are the one he comes home to)...this is so prolific especially with African men(black men in general?)..."it is unnatural for man to have only one partner for life" they say...I see, so the God who said that one man is to have one woman didn't know what He was talking about abi? *hiss* What kind of romance is it for a woman to go into a relationship expecting that her man will not be faithful to her?? Is this what we woman have to settle for in modern times? Is this the technological age's version of romance- the modern day kind?

Is Hollywood mostly to blame for the demise of marriage values..I mean,it certainly doesnt help the case when prominent personalities like Brad Pitt, Diddy, TomCruise, to name very few, have extremely public break ups and hook ups. Lets not even get started on rap stars with numerous "baby mamas" outside their matrimonial home. But I think hollywood can only really be blamed for exacerbating the issue; I think the real cause of the issue is society itself. Over the last century, people's morals have declined so much, and as someone once described it, "things that used to be in the closet are now commonplace, while things that used to be out (upheld) have now been pushed into the closet"...Think about it, less than half a century ago, it was almost a taboo to have a child out of wedlock, now it is widely accepted in most places(like Mastercard, lol), to say my "baby daddy", my "partner", even my "mistress"...but dare an adult mention that he/she is still a virgin, and they would be lucky to only receive strange looks and not be forcefully detained for a psych assessment!!! okay maybe a slight exaggeration, but you get the point :-)

There is the very popular saying "while in Rome, do as the Romans do", which can also be applied to mean "while living in the world, do as the people do"...afterall,it is easier to conform than it is to question the status quo. So people change/lower their expectations, amend their ideals and values and join the maranga.

Me however, I refuse to settle for less. I am not after a modern-day romance, I want an old fashioned love story. I want my own "Boy meets girl, Boy and girl fall in love, Boy and Girl live happily ever after" story. I want a husband who only has eyes for me; I want a love that sticks through the thick and the thin, and doesnt "vamoose"at the first sight of trouble; I want a man who holds our relationship so sacred that he does all he can to protect it; I want a man who respects and honours me when he is at home with me, and also when he is out with da boys; I want a man who will work for 7 extra yrs if need be (Jacob!!) just to win me; I want a man who will believe me always, even when my story sounds implausible(Joseph!!);I want a man who will put his wife and kids first no matter what; I want a man who will grow old with me and still call me by the pet names he used when we first got married; I want a man who, while he may know that I am not perfect, will know that I am perfect for him....this is old-fashioned, true love, not the pseudo love we see a lot now, the fickle emotion people think is the real deal...

This is the kind of love that is worth waiting for cos to find it is like to find a rare gem -the owner will see that it is precious, valuable and indeed one of a kind.

YAY!!! I've finally got a blog....

Wow...for months now I have been browsing through other blogs, and now I have finally got one!!! Excited much, me? lol...

I always thought it would be pretty cool to have one, like a digital diary...someplace where I could yann and communicate freely, without feeling any way cos noone knows me (hopefully) :-) Im hoping this blog will be a great release for me, a place where I can grow and track my progress....how cool would it be, in like 2 years, to read back my posts and cry tears of joy cos I can see how far God has brought me in every area of my life...

So here I am, in my PJs cos didnt go to work today (today was the day London stood still due to the "incredible" snow fall we had...I say incredible cos the likes of Scotland openly scoffed at us..."you call this snow???"- we're sorry oh, but we Londoners are not used to dealing with adverse weather conditions!!! I spent about 20 mins this morn exclaiming with my housemate- "oh my gosh, I dont think I've seen this much snow in my life- ever!!! lol..)) I digress...

So here I am in my PJs and Im wondering what the etiquette is for first posts? Do I launch straight into my life history, or does that unfold with time? Hopefully I'll stick to this, cos I have been known to get super- excited about a project and then just as quickly lose all interest...Idont even know what this blog's main theme will be...I guess I'll just take it as it comes.

Okay, so what is on my mind right now?

I'm bored. Not just today. I mean I'm bored with life in general. This is not good as Im still in my "early" twenties (only barely though - gulp!!). This is a huge sign for me that I need to get some focus, some other reason for existing, other than to get married (trust me- you will be hearing a lot more about this later) :-). It means that I need to get closer to the One who created me so that I can find out the reasons why....

I used to think that having the perfect bloke would make me fill so complete, would make me jump out of bed excited every morning and humm all through the day...would make me feel so loved and erase all the scars that years of low self esteem had inflicted on me...Now I see that thinking like that was nothing short of utter foolishness- a lie initiaited and perpetuated by the devil. You see, now I've come to realise that I will never become a Gomer until I rest completely in my Hosea; I will never find fulfillment and acceptance anywhere other than in the loving Hands of Him who lovingly fashioned and knew me. I thank Jesus with all my heart for rescuing me out of the miry clay that I was sinking into, and placing me on the path to wholeness. I have also come to realise that "healing" of the soul does not oft take place in a second. Not that God is not able; but He would rather walk this road with us, holding our hand, carrying us when need be, wiping the tears that are bound to fall and directing our paths in seeming mazes which sometimes make no sense to us at all. Sometimes I can see the lessons that God is trying to teach me, in a sort of "aah...." fashion. Other times, events make no sense to me at all, but as I try to trust that HE knows what is going on, I begin to see " a method to the chaos", " a rhyme that gives reason"...

Its not been easy this last 2 and something years, but Ive definitely turned a corner. I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. But that's not to say that I still dont find this road hard to travel; so many times I have felt like running away from the light- straight back to the Egypt that enslaved me. And Jesus knows that had I my way, that is exactly what I would do. So he hemmed me in. Completely blocked my paths so that even if I didnt move forward, there would be no way that Id go back. I screamed, I kicked, I cried, I begged, I sulked, but His answer has been "I have waited too long to get you back to me and I will not let you go again"....Slowly I began to see how wonderful His love is, how much he truly cares for me. The test of a parent's true love is sometimes not in their acquiscence, but in their ability to say "NO"- in their willingless to restrain themselves for the greater good of their child.Because I have not always applauded Him for His firmness with me;many times I accused Him of partialty, neglect- you name it. My method of punishment was childishly simple- "fine- I wont talk to You then"....but He has been patient with me, more patient than I have been with myself.... So slowly I began to see that it is and always has been for my good...those tears- for my good. those "rejections"- yep for my good.the wilderness? definitely for my good. And for His glory. You see, I am His jewel, I was fashioned to bring Him glory. He is shaping me to become a whole woman, one whose very existence tells of His manifold greatness. Now that I know that He will not free me until He is done with me, I rejoice in my "captivity" because it is a sign of my "specialty"..lol...Devil, I refuse to believe your lies anymore. My Lord is working on me, is perfecting everything that concerns me;even when I cant see it, even when I dont feel it, He is causing all things to work together for my good, working to transform me into Gomer- whole, perfect and complete...