Monday 2 February 2009

YAY!!! I've finally got a blog....

Wow...for months now I have been browsing through other blogs, and now I have finally got one!!! Excited much, me? lol...

I always thought it would be pretty cool to have one, like a digital diary...someplace where I could yann and communicate freely, without feeling any way cos noone knows me (hopefully) :-) Im hoping this blog will be a great release for me, a place where I can grow and track my progress....how cool would it be, in like 2 years, to read back my posts and cry tears of joy cos I can see how far God has brought me in every area of my life...

So here I am, in my PJs cos didnt go to work today (today was the day London stood still due to the "incredible" snow fall we had...I say incredible cos the likes of Scotland openly scoffed at us..."you call this snow???"- we're sorry oh, but we Londoners are not used to dealing with adverse weather conditions!!! I spent about 20 mins this morn exclaiming with my housemate- "oh my gosh, I dont think I've seen this much snow in my life- ever!!! lol..)) I digress...

So here I am in my PJs and Im wondering what the etiquette is for first posts? Do I launch straight into my life history, or does that unfold with time? Hopefully I'll stick to this, cos I have been known to get super- excited about a project and then just as quickly lose all interest...Idont even know what this blog's main theme will be...I guess I'll just take it as it comes.

Okay, so what is on my mind right now?

I'm bored. Not just today. I mean I'm bored with life in general. This is not good as Im still in my "early" twenties (only barely though - gulp!!). This is a huge sign for me that I need to get some focus, some other reason for existing, other than to get married (trust me- you will be hearing a lot more about this later) :-). It means that I need to get closer to the One who created me so that I can find out the reasons why....

I used to think that having the perfect bloke would make me fill so complete, would make me jump out of bed excited every morning and humm all through the day...would make me feel so loved and erase all the scars that years of low self esteem had inflicted on me...Now I see that thinking like that was nothing short of utter foolishness- a lie initiaited and perpetuated by the devil. You see, now I've come to realise that I will never become a Gomer until I rest completely in my Hosea; I will never find fulfillment and acceptance anywhere other than in the loving Hands of Him who lovingly fashioned and knew me. I thank Jesus with all my heart for rescuing me out of the miry clay that I was sinking into, and placing me on the path to wholeness. I have also come to realise that "healing" of the soul does not oft take place in a second. Not that God is not able; but He would rather walk this road with us, holding our hand, carrying us when need be, wiping the tears that are bound to fall and directing our paths in seeming mazes which sometimes make no sense to us at all. Sometimes I can see the lessons that God is trying to teach me, in a sort of "aah...." fashion. Other times, events make no sense to me at all, but as I try to trust that HE knows what is going on, I begin to see " a method to the chaos", " a rhyme that gives reason"...

Its not been easy this last 2 and something years, but Ive definitely turned a corner. I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. But that's not to say that I still dont find this road hard to travel; so many times I have felt like running away from the light- straight back to the Egypt that enslaved me. And Jesus knows that had I my way, that is exactly what I would do. So he hemmed me in. Completely blocked my paths so that even if I didnt move forward, there would be no way that Id go back. I screamed, I kicked, I cried, I begged, I sulked, but His answer has been "I have waited too long to get you back to me and I will not let you go again"....Slowly I began to see how wonderful His love is, how much he truly cares for me. The test of a parent's true love is sometimes not in their acquiscence, but in their ability to say "NO"- in their willingless to restrain themselves for the greater good of their child.Because I have not always applauded Him for His firmness with me;many times I accused Him of partialty, neglect- you name it. My method of punishment was childishly simple- "fine- I wont talk to You then"....but He has been patient with me, more patient than I have been with myself.... So slowly I began to see that it is and always has been for my good...those tears- for my good. those "rejections"- yep for my good.the wilderness? definitely for my good. And for His glory. You see, I am His jewel, I was fashioned to bring Him glory. He is shaping me to become a whole woman, one whose very existence tells of His manifold greatness. Now that I know that He will not free me until He is done with me, I rejoice in my "captivity" because it is a sign of my "specialty"..lol...Devil, I refuse to believe your lies anymore. My Lord is working on me, is perfecting everything that concerns me;even when I cant see it, even when I dont feel it, He is causing all things to work together for my good, working to transform me into Gomer- whole, perfect and complete...

5 comments:

  1. Yay!! Welcome to blogville and thanks for following my blog. Amen and Amen. Looking forward to reading more from you..yes O, it was snow for us all non-Londoners should stop 'hating' lol!!

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  2. Thanks Believer :-) Ive been a fan for a while..some of your posts have seriously lifted me up and inspired me.Now I can follow ur blog a little less anonymously, lol

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  3. Welcome to Blogville! Hope you enjoy your time here and you continue to blog for a very very long time! And thanks for following my blog. I've bookmarked yours and I'll be coming back to check on you!
    You could have been talking about me in this post. Sometimes I have felt that God was ignoring me, holding me back, not granting my desires. But after a while, things become clear and I realise my Father loves me and has better plans for me that I even have for myself. If only I can be patient and wait for His purpose to unfold.
    God is at work in your life sweetie, very soon you'll see! x

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  4. Enjoyed your blog. Sent up a prayer for you. This journey to Father's heart, to finding our everything in Him instead of all the places we thought it would be (e.g. in men) is not for the faint of heart, lol! I'm on the same road and enjoyed your thoughts and candor. I'm about to research the name "Gomer." I was previously unaware of its significance.

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